Wow isn't that dangerous?

Today was really interesting.

Woke up and got dressed and put on my apron, cooking gloves and crash helmet. Went out to the deck with my other bothers from da' hood and jumped into one of the many bright red F/A-18E/F Superhornet jets with transparent polycarbonate tails as social workers sweat loading my wing snipers and my laser guided cannon that fired 0.036758372mm human seeking rounds.

I was waiting for the other planes to take off before me and I watched, remembering the times I had at my paper identifying courses and at the same time laughing at how the other people took off from the carrier. Soon, it was time for the guy before me to take off. He did all his checks, fired a few rounds from his 120mm tomato launcher and C-684 48calibre glass shards launcher. I watched as he roared his engines and prepared to take off. Just before he left the deck, his craft ran out of vegetable wine fuel and he fell off the edge of the ship, plunging into 7000000000nanometer high waves below.

Next was my turn. Weapons ready? Check. Landing gear ready? Check. Heads-on display system? Check. Ready for take off. I pulled down the throttle all the way and felt the 52487861305627089645356Gs pushing down on my body. Luckily, that paper identifying class gave me a notebook that allowed its holder to withstand 52487861305627089645357Gs and I was safe. I looked out of the cockpit and saw a few million Aircraft carriers, similar to the one I was on, sending off airplanes to destroy that Oort Cloud ahead.

(Just in case you don't know what an Oort Cloud is, it's a giant Aircraft that the StupidDingDongBell Aliens built. It powers itself by harnessing energy from evaporated water. Legend has it that the aliens named the Oort cloud after the spherical clouds of comets just outside our solar system. However, Paper Identifying classes told us that it was actually supposed to be called the Fart cloud.)

I zoomed past miles of mountainous terrain with other ally planes around me. Many were excited that the day that they had been training for had come. Not long after, I could see the Oort Cloud in the distance in the middle of a valley. It looked like a huge boomerang and there was 2 runways on it. Planes called AR-93 IAmADumbMosquito were taking off from both and they were flying around it like electrons around an atom. Many of the planes in front of me were being obliterated and I could see their planes vaporising. Some of the enemy's planes were destroyed as well. The plane next to me fired it's bamboo rod with such accuracy that it skewered 2 AR-93s. On the ground below was a great shadow that the Oort Cloud casted and there were ground troops fighting below. As I neared the craft, I used all my ammo and when I ran out, I wussed out and pulled the ejector seat. The rocket at the back of my seat propelled me downwards to the ground and just before I was to get smacked on my face, the rocket began firing upwards slowing my decent and landing be safely in the middle of gunfire, laser beams, madmen, barbarians, hooligans, flying axes, explosive speakers, flash-bang surround sound system and unlucky charms.

I looked up and saw my plane crashing into the Oort cloud, the only one who really did some significant damage to it. I looked around me and took out my coffee stirrer and chequebook and began stabbing the enemy. I took out a pencil and wrote "$100,000,000 to the rubber company" and signed my name. I tore it out and a truck came from the ally side of the battlefield with a full load of rubber bands. I ran towards it for safety and scribbled "$0.08 for invulnerable protection". The driver took out a francium shield and tossed it at me. I grabbed hold of it and climbed up the back of the truck, grabbed a handful of rubber bands and fired them off the built-in turret at the side.

The rubber bands worked wonders. Everytime I shot one, they turned into a dragon/snake/dragon/snake/dragon/snake and it always found its target between the legs of a StupidDingDongBell alien. The noise from above was overwhelming as planes crashed and people screamed. It wasn't any better on the ground. The ally weapon that caused the most noise was the Rockshaker 2000 surround sound system designed to make loud noises to rattle the bones of enemies until they get osteoporosis. The noisiest alien weapon was the OhGreatMyHomeTheatreSystemDoesntWork. None of us humans knew how it worked so we didn't care. Some of Da' Brothers From Da' Hood were firing beads from a sniper shotgun at the top of the valley. They were designed to take down people from over a mile away and deal the same damage as a shotgun.

I continued firing more rubber bands until it became boring and ran out to the East-West divide at the 39th perpendicular and used my coffee stirrer to poke the ligaments out the the aliens. It was really effective, especially when used with the francium shield. I ran into the shadow cast by the Oort cloud and started pelting it with stones I found on the ground. I took out my checkbook again and scribbled "$2.00 to the person who made me go through all this". I tore it out but nothing happened. I wasn't really aware of what was happening around me as I looked around, waiting for something to happen. Something was wrong! The Paper Identifying class demonstrated how to use that move but it wasn't happening now. I looked up at the Oort Cloud and nearly got hit my an alien shooting me with a bubble gun. There was a huge explosion and sparks were flying from the Oort cloud. Water started pouring out and some got onto my francium shield. Uh-oh..When water comes into contact with francium... RUN! Too late. The shield started to cause a huge explosion and anyone within 5 feet vapourised immediately. I saw the shock wave coming towards me and ran as fast as I could, only to turn around, see the laser from at alien pistol coming towards me. I had been shot! I took my last few steps before...
















I woke up..

Looked around, saw a coffee stirrer, a boomerang, and a notebook beside me. There was a dead mosquito and stacks of paper too... Or was it?

Enough said.