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Monday, July 3, 2017

Hey, when's the last time you've ever been happy?

I think for me it was the last time I had that chocolate in Brugge. Was the best piece of chocolate ever

Monday, June 26, 2017

Are we dead yet?

So it's midway through 2017 already and I've not made a post yet

A little bit about myself right now - it hasn't been great honestly. The good part is, I've just gotten back the results of my Masters programme and I did pretty well. Slightly better than what I expected. However, I feel so dead inside. I would say that I'm pretty miserable as well, except I'm hardly feeling anything. It's just a great void. I honestly (like cross-my-heart levels of honesty) can't remember the last time I've been genuinely happy, or even happy about something. Everything seems so empty.

Almost everyday, I think about dying, or death in some way, and yet, I am scared of it. Death terrifies me greatly but at this point in my life (and I think I might have mentioned this to people before), if someone were to come up and offer to kill me, I probably wouldn't resist. I'm not actively trying to kill myself or anything and I wouldn't say that I'm suicidal (maybe I am, but my point is that I'm not actively seeking to cause my own death) but I'm at a point where I wouldn't resist if someone threatened to use deadly force against me, nor would I probably find the will to live if it was the only thing that determined my survival.

I apologize for this scary post, and I hope that whoever's reading this will be able to find some peace and comfort within their lives, because it really sucks feeling this way.

Enough said.


Thursday, December 29, 2016

The last post of 2016


If I were to die, I would like to have this read as part of my eulogy, but edited to remove all the mistakes in writing.

"He seemed like a normal person and was pretty much like any of us for most of his life. He went to classes, completed his homework and studied for his exams. He had goals in his life, plans on how to achieve them and he worked hard to get what he wanted. He very much enjoyed playing online games with his friends and he looked forward to having his favourite meals during the weekends.

However, deep inside was a sadness, an emptiness with origins unknown to anyone, even himself. But if anyone were to guess, it would most likely have stemmed from a belief deep in his heart - a belief that he wasn't meant to be for this world, and that this world wasn't meant for him.

He resented the idea that he was depressed, as the meaning of depression nowadays has diluted significantly with many people claiming to be depressed despite not having been properly diagnosed.

While he did not have any suicidal thoughts, nor had any suicidal tendencies, his view on his current state of life was as follows: if he was somehow put into a situation where the only factor deciding whether he would live or die was his will to live, he would be dead"

And maybe that might change in the future, but now, that is what it feels like.

Enough said

Monday, August 8, 2016

Does it really matter?


"The worst joke life can play on you is letting you meet the right person at the wrong time"

It sure feels like it now. But does it really matter if I truly cared about her?

Enough said

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Ran out of ideas for good post titles

Well so the third academic year has come to an end. A few things I have learned, if anything, is that firstly, you don't always get what you want, even if you've been planning so hard for it, making (in your opinion) all the right decisions and all the right moves but sometimes bad things happen, people say "no" and doors close and you're left with everything crumbling down.

Secondly, I've learnt that personally, being homesick has been more of missing the people I love and care about, more than the location or more than my house. I've learned that home for me is where the people I love reside. I can be in my own house, lying on my own bed, in the apartment I've lived for most of my life, and yet feel homesick and I guess the one thing I can learn from this is how to manage my life better being away from the people I really care about.

I was really prepared for this year to be best year of my life. I had a really nice flat to stay in, amazing housemates and was having loads of fun in general, all the while maintaining my grades for assignments and all. I played a lot of guitar, and a lot of video games and was having a blast. I planned for all the internships I was going to apply for, and prepared my applications way in advance. I really felt like I was on top of everything.

My plan was to stay in the UK, or at least the EU for an internship over the summer where I can have a close watch over my housing issues and on top of that work for those referral letters for grad school applications. I can attend the graduation ceremonies of most of my friends and have a blast with them before some of them return home for good and maybe have a bit of spare time to travel, though I highly doubt the last bit would be possible.

Unfortunately, towards the middle of this year, every internship I had applied for rejected me. In that state of anxiety, I decided that getting an internship was more important that trying to work hard for grades and I focused my time on that. I sent out tens of emails a week, only to get rejected again. I was largely distracted from my studies and was greatly demoralized, as it really did seem like my future was about to collapse on me.

The exams came and went, and it was time to start scouting for projects in my final year. I already knew the projects I wanted, and I spent my time trying to convince those professors that I should be the one chosen for those projects. None of it went well. At this point, I was still applying and getting rejected by a ton of internships.

In the end, I did manage to get two offers. Both of which required me to come back and here I am now. Not really sure what I'm doing with my life anymore. Grades came back and they were complete shit. Almost dropped a degree class. Modules which I thought I did well for came back with garbage results. I'm not mad at the ones which I knew I didn't do well for, just the modules which I thought could help me pull up my average but failed me in the end. Mind you, I'm not referring to those where I thought I would score too but came out of the exam feeling horrible. I expected those to go badly and when they did, I don't really think too much about it and I am alright with those.

In my mind, I made all the right moves. I was under the impression that everything was going smoothly, that everything would be better in the end, even if it looked like it was falling apart and I had to do what I can to salvage it. At this point I don't think if it was all worth it. I know things can be worse but it's just the lingering saltiness, thinking that you have planned it as best as you can and played the right cards, only to be bested by nothing. I was beaten by no one. It was just a bunch of doors that just decided to shut on me and I suppose that's how life is.

I'm still clinging on to that small glimmer of hope, that I would be able to achieve my dreams. If you scroll back far enough, you would know the one I'm referring to and if you scroll back really really far, you would know how long I've been having this dream for. But it seems that right now, it's all falling apart.

Hopefully the next academic year would be better.

Enough said


Monday, February 29, 2016

Schrödinger's cat

Sometimes you just want to find out. You have this innate urge, this wave of curiosity, a bunch of "what if"s and stuff like that.


There are only 2 eigenstates being superimposed. Opening the box will cause a system collapse into one of them. Two possible outcomes, pretty much 50-50 right? Not really. It depends on how the system was set up.

But sometimes you just got to check and take the measurement. Only one eigenstate is favourable and the way to have said system collapse into that eigenstate is to open the box - to end the superposition. And so you think really hard about it. You ask yourself if it's better to leave the cat in this weird quantum realm of being both dead and alive at the same time. You question how much this system actually contains, whether the system is just confined to the box, the poisoning apparatus and the cat inside or if it is a part of something bigger, something that includes you and maybe the room where the system is kept.

You think hard, and you think long, but you really want to know. Time is running out and you're curious, but you suddenly realize that you may affect which eigenstate the system may collapse into. You realize that the system is not isolated from you, but you still try anyway. You open the box...

.
.
.
.
And you never see her again...




Enough said

Friday, February 26, 2016

So it's 2016 now

Another year has passed and man is it tough..

I've been feeling rather sad and lonely for most of the past few days. Sometimes, I will be happy, though this just leaves me happy and lonely, which is still pretty sad..

oh well

Enough said


Sunday, January 17, 2016

Right in the feels


This video kicks me right in the feels every time :(

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Well what now?



Hey all!

Not sure if you still remember the posts from long ago where I used to say stuff like "Eccentricity to the maximum!!" or  "Abuse the privilege".

Those were years ago and I still remember them. They used to define me life largely during those moments. Unfortunately, as much as I'm reluctant for it to happen, times has changed drastically. And while those few phrases still resonate with me, it is time to move on.

If you know me in person or if you have followed closely online on certain websites and forums, you might have heard the saying "Too late to explore the world, too early to explore the universe, but just in time for dank memes". I have upgraded people! Yes, no longer a short expression but now pretty much an entire sentence. Maybe in a few years I might have entire paragraphs to live by. Ah well! We'll see what comes.

Anyway, hope you're all doing well! I am doing well myself :)

Or maybe not. Then again, who knows!

Enough Said

Saturday, April 18, 2015

It's really been a while!

Hey! So I realize that this will be my first post in 2015, and it's been long due!

Just a quick update on what's going on in my life. And then some thoughts after!

 So what's going on in my life right now?

-Second Year of University
-Right in the middle of a study break
-Struggling to keep up with my content!

 Right now, I guess life is pretty good. Not much interesting stuff going on at the moment. Mostly just wake up, study a bit and then maybe play some games at night. I've been really tired these past few days though.

 Also, there have been some other issues going on. Some issues that I've been struggling with. Issues that I never thought would haunt me as much as it would back then. Issues with girls. hahaha

 So anyway, it has been a really long time since I was in a relationship and the way I think towards girls have changed drastically since my teenage years. I know people change as they grow up, and I know people mature and all that but I find it really interesting when you actually look back at yourself and see how different you are from last time. Changes to yourself are so gradual that you barely feel it. Sometimes you don't even realize that you've changed at all until you look back at the thoughts you've penned down.

 My apologies for the digression! About women... I've come to realize that I prefer older women in general. And I don't mean older as in like, those many years older than me. I prefer women who are a few years older than myself. And after a bit of thinking, the conclusion I've come to about this is perhaps one of the most messed up things of my life.

And ... And i'm actually too lazy to continue typing this lol.

 Maybe next time





 Enough said

Monday, December 8, 2014

If I could turn back time...

Got told off quite harshly today by a friend. On hindsight yeah, maybe what I said was a little taunting but I hadn't meant it that way. But oh well, I don't think anyone would care lol. "We judge others by their actions but we judge ourselves by our intentions" Enough said

Friday, September 5, 2014

Did I..

And we were letting go of something special Something we'll never have again I know, I guess I really really know Been lonely since the day The day you went away So sad but true For me there's only you Been crying since the day The day you went away

Sunday, July 27, 2014

What's the closest thing you have to a superpower?

What's the closest thing you have to a superpower?

"I have the ability to become invisible at social events"

:(

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

It's summer, but it's cold

So...

exams are just round the corner and I'mm not really feeling my best right now haha. I guess I'm just one of those that needs to be spoonfed. I've been trying hard to study but I still lose my focus every now and then and having come from a spoonfed culture for the past few years of my education, I'm still trying to figure out which study method works best for me. I just hope it isn't too late.

Anyway, a few things have been keeping me down for the past week.I shall list down what I can.

I found a crack on my guitar. Being my first real guitar that I really liked and having it cost alot doesn't help. Last I checked, it was a 4 inch long crack on the neck caused my the trustrod and the neck bending out of shape due to the dryness. I guess it's kinda my fault as I saw this coming not too long ago but I did not do anything to prevent it, like get a humidifier or something.

_____________

I found an apartment to stay next year once my school's accommodation runs out. Unfortunately, it's not really a nice place to live in. It was a place for 4 people and I had quite good hopes for it when I first heard of the property. But after viewing the place, it seems kinda, poorly maintained. I suppose this is primarily because of the current people there not taking care of the place but there also seems like some other stuff that can't just be cleaned up or repaired. The bathroom has stains all over, the metals parts are all rusty and stuff and not to mention there really isn't a dining area for all of us to eat and hang out as well. Just a kitchen to cook your food lol.

Another reason why I'm a little disappointed in the place is the whole situation that limited our options to just this place. It was a property meant for 4 people, but we originally had 3 people in our group. This meant that we had to either give up the property and look for another place for 3 people or find a fourth person to fill the last spot. Personally, I would have stuck with looking for places with 3 people cause honestly, looking at the current state of the property really put me off. Not to mention, properties with 3 people were in abundance. We just had to look for one which was close to school, which wasn't that hard. Everything else about a 3-person property would sell itself already. Things such as having an inexpensive rent per person and still having a very decent place to live in. A place with a nice kitchen and perhaps even a common area which some properties have, all for very affordable student rates. They are places which I would gladly show to my parents or have visiting friends over for a night or two. But now, with my current place, I can barely do all of these. Eventually, without much time to react and without a second thought, a fourth person was invited to join our group of 3 by one of us and after putting in quite abit of effort to source for a potentially better place for 4 people, we had to fall back to our first option.

I suppose this has been one of the most tiring things during the past 3 weeks. Even now, as I am typing this, I have still not fully settled issues with the property yet. All I have done is paid the holding deposit. I have yet to fill up any documents and sign the contract for the place. All these discussions and house searching has taken quite a bit of my study time away and I don't really like to complain about it as I know it has to be done and someone has to do it. What I don't appreciate however, is when other people don't play their part as well and push stuff to me with the excuse of studying and stuff. Right now, we're still discussing on which rooms everyone would like to take. Personally, when I first talked to the other 2 people in the group, I had agreed to let them choose their rooms first, to sweeten the deal so they would join me and I can stop searching for friends to live with. However, it isn't as simple as it seems. No one wants to compromise and everyone pretty much wants the best for themselves. This is only human it seems, but while I do what I can to solve their issues, I wonder if anyone has asked me what  I really wanted. Or are they just blinded by their own opportunities to make things work the best for them? If only they could see my compromise and at least appreciate the efforts I've put in for them, I would probably be much happier now even though I'm stuck with the worst options. It just seems that everything is going wrong for me. I'm left with all the things I tried to avoid in the first place.

_____________

Recently, I've found out that most of my friends have stuff to do over the summer. Many of them are going travelling to nearby parts of Europe and not surprisingly, I'm not invited to join any of them. It seems that everyone else has their own groups of friends to go to and I'm not part of that. I'm not part of any of the "cool" people who have made lots of plans to go around and stuff. I didn't expect it to be like this. I thought that having a fresh start in life since coming here would've been good but it isn't. Almost everyone else has their own groups of friends before coming there and they just do everything together and I'm not included. I mean, is it so hard to include someone and say, hey, I've got a friend who would like to join? I suppose it is right? I mean, I wouldn't know cause I won't have any one I know to do this to anyway. Apart from just travelling, it seems that many people have found internships over the summer as well. I have been putting in a bit of effort to search and read up and I've spent quite alot of my time on this. I've sent out numerous emails to different research companies, to different professors for referral letters but to no avail. It seems that things just work out really well for other people. Their offers for internships seem to come rather easily, even though I have no idea how much effort they've actually put in to get it. Maybe they do deserve it more than I do in the grand scheme of things as they've put in considerably more effort than I have when it comes to this. What also makes me sad is seeing a position that I've applied for totally ignore my Emails to them but responded to my friend. Even an Email to tell me I didn't make the cut would suffice, but I just got bluntly ignored while they sounded enthusiastic to have my friend work for them. I know I'm supposed to be happy for people and I am happy for him. I know I'm not supposed to be jealous or envious when people get things I can't have, but I don't see how we both can't have the position given to us. Am I not good enough? What's wrong with me? Am I an alien? I guess my self esteem has always been rather low so it doesn't put me down anymore..

I don't know what I'm saying or typing. And I don't know why my English standard has dropped so dramatically. I'll probably look back in a few months time and slap myself for writing this horribly. Perhaps this is why no one wants me lol..

Oh well..

Enough said

Friday, April 11, 2014

About a year ago...

"Do you think you'll fall for someone else while you're over there and away from me?"

"No, I won't"

"You sure??"

"Yep, pretty sure"

"Um.. yea..'cause I think I might if we've been away for too long and some other really nice person comes along and you're not there..."

 "oh..."

 .......






 Enough Said

Saturday, March 15, 2014

2014

Wow guys, I didn't think I would make it this far! I apologise for not having an update for over a year. I am just inundated with school work nowadays. The past year wasn't an easy one for me. There were many big decisions to be made. I had to choose which university to go into and I had to make sure that I really wanted to do the course which I had chosen. Of course, I had chosen to do physics. As many of you might have already known from many years back, one of my goals was to do physics as a career and well, here I am! I've finally achieved it! Well, the first step at least. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, I can say. There were alot of doubts going my way and I had to convince pretty much everybody that I could land a job with a physics degree. I don't see much of it yet at the moment, as my goal has not been fulfilled completely. Entering a physics course in university is pretty much just the first step. I still have to graduate, and I hope I do, and find a job in the related field after that. Get myself promoted to a stable position where I can start supporting my family and I'll be happy when I'm done. As of now, there still lies a long road ahead of me, but I have already chosen to step into this path. No turning back now I guess. Oh well! Recently, I'm not sure what's really going on with me. Most of the times when I sleep or take a nap in the afternoon, I dream multiple day and night cycles in one sleeping session. Not too long ago, I took a 90 minute nap and in my dream, 5-7 days went past! I felt really accomplished at the end of all that just to wake up and find that it was just all a dream. I don't remember anything about the dream details though, as I have forgotten those. Interesting isn't it? i wonder if you guys reading this have anything to share as well? "At the end of all this, I'm back to being by myself again. Nothing has changed. It's just me here" Enough said

Friday, January 11, 2013

What do we have here?

Awesome and aweful. Awe-some and awe-ful. Seems like the more awe you have the worse it gets. Instead of saying we're so full of awe, we should say we're aweless.

The amount of people who confuse between "to" and "too" is really two much.

An atom tells the police his electron was stolen and the cop asks if he's sure. The atom replies "I'm positive".
What if air is actually poisonous and it takes decades to kill us? Enough said

Monday, December 31, 2012

2013

So hey! It's less than 10 minutes to 2013 and a few years ago I said well, maybe the would end in 2012 but guess what, it didn't! haha! Else I wouldn't be here typing this now would I? Are you guys looking forward to 2013? I hope you all are! I know 13 is a bad number and some of you aren't that fond of 2013 but I'm not superstitious so oh well! I'm thinking 2013 will be a new phase for me. Something which I am not really sure if i'm looking forward to or not. Hopefully I will! I look at my friends in church and many have been through the same phase of my life years ago and now it's my turn. I wonder what's in store for me. At the same time, I wonder what's in for everybody else as well. Hope everything turns out for the best! Cya! Enough Said..

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Hello again!

So what have you guys been up to? I have been planning on what I should say now for the past few days but there's just so many things and I guess I will put them in parts to come. And also partly cause I can't really remember what I have been thinking about haha, so I guess I'll just keep it short for now but I'm gonna start the ball rolling today and put more stuff in the near future so look out for more updates! I know it's not really fun reading stuff like this so I'll just put a list down here of things which have changed since the last time! -First and foremost, I have achieved the dream I had since secondary school. I have been accepted into University College London to do Theoretical Physics!

 Other than that...
-Same DNA
-Same name
-Same IC number
-Same hair colour
-Same eye colour

So I guess I'm still pretty much the same person! Oh well! They say that one way to make people angry is to make a list. People will be angry on what's on it and people will be angry on what isn't. We'll see if I made anyone mad from this list haha! Enough said.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

12 hours to enlistment.



I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.


Enough said

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Concentrated power of will.

Taken from something I saw from a friend:

Right Meditation

Meditation means the gradual process of training the mind to focus on a single object and to remain fixed upon the object without wavering. The constant practice of meditation helps one to develop a calm and concentrated mind and help to prepare one for the attainment of Wisdom and Enlightenment ultimately.

"I'm not spending too much time on the computer, I'm meditating!"

Enough Said.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Time solves most problems except ageing

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

A few things I asked for, all of them I've always longed, none did I get.

Time solves most problems except ageing. Heard that from a friend not long ago. Lets hope it solves this too.

Enough said..

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Guitarist Michael Romeo



What a great video! Look at one of the comments I found on the video haha!

-If you think that is fast you should see him reach for the last jelly donut

LOLWUT

And here's a response to the above comment another user posted!

-The secret is, his entire guitar is a jelly donut. That's why it's purple. At any time, if Romeo finds his endurance flagging, he can lick his donut guitar for strength, knowing that after the show, dozens and dozens of donuts await him backstage. Powdered donuts. Chocolate donuts. Even those new donuts from Dunkin Donuts with Reese's Pieces on them. Sometimes in fact Romeo has to position his guitar to hide his erection as he shreds and thinks of nothing but those donuts.

Haha what!

Enough said..

Thursday, February 11, 2010

#1

I never thought I'd get here, never thought I would care. 'Cause I was always lookin' out for me. I was being selfish, I couldn't see. All that I want was right in front of me. But I've changed, this girl of her teens. You're my number one, now you're priority

What lies!

I tried to believe every word of your sweet story, but intuition keeps telling me...
































Intuition can be wrong anyway.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Honestly, now.

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

"You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It’s just common sense."

Er what?

Aposiopesis

...
..
.

Hi.

Oh gosh, I think that alot of people are probably looking down from Heaven over me and seeing my actions and looking at everything I do wrong and they're probably yelling at me saying "No no! That's not how you do it!" but I'm not hearing them and I make the same mistakes over and over again without any guidance that I've very much been ignoring.

Sigh..

*Hints aposiopesis*

Enough said.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Who am I really?

Who am I really? I've been thinking. Can't put my finger anywhere yet. Still in the shadows of pondering where the conclusions elude me.

________________________________________________________


Sometimes I wonder why many people who believe in a God that can do all things still bind their thinking by setting a limit between the impossibilities. I mean, sometimes we're supposed to think out of the box but with a chance that anything can happen, the box shouldn't even be there in the first place. Really, explore all options and don't rule out any impossibilities governed by limits of what we perceive of the natural.

Enough Said.

Monday, February 1, 2010

These coincidences aren't just coincidences anymore

Really, just count them.

What do you think?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What..?

Today in the library, I was talking to my friend and she said:

"Stop smsing. I know, you're smsing a girl right?"

And before I could say anything, she went on:

"I see love in your eyes!"

And then I said:

"What? It's a guy!"

And she said,

"Oh is it? Whatever, I still see love in your eyes!"

WHHAATTT..????

Ha! But I lied! Hahahahaa!!!

Anyway, I've been thinking about something for awhile now. Actually, not just awhile but for a long time actually. It started a few years back if I recall correctly.

I've realised that sometimes, people say that they know something is wrong with whatever their doing. I don't mean wrong as in what they're doing is bad. I mean wrong as in answering questions and stuff like that.

Most of the time, people know that they're wrong and don't know what the right answer is. It's kinda weird, I think. I mean, if we know something is wrong, we should know the correct answer. Otherwise, how would we know we are wrong in the first place? And if we know the correct answer because we know we got the wrong answer the first time, won't they be able to figure out themselves? Or just keep trying until they get less and less wrong and eventually get the correct answer?

I'll apply this to an example of tuning a guitar. When we play an out of tuned guitar, we know it's out of tune. (Assuming we do play the guitar and can tell that it is out of tune) However, ask us to tune the guitar and we wouldn't know how to. We would require aid such as an electronic tuner or a tuning fork etc. So why can't we just tune it ourselves? I mean, we only know it is out of tune because we know the correct tuning and we know that the guitar in our hands has strayed from the actual tuning. So why can't we just go in one direction and try tuning it until it gets less and less wrong and eventually we get a nicely tuned guitar? This would be really interesting to see because someone got the correct answer not because he knows how to solve the question but because he knows what is wrong and he just has to do what is right.

Of course, I have been thinking about this and I realised that many of us say that we know something is wrong but we can't fix it. Personally, I'd find out first if something is wrong or not. Otherwise assumed right until shown wrong.

But really, is this what it really is? I doubt. I think what's happening here is a breakaway from intuition. Just because we know something is wrong does not mean we know what is right. Contradictory? no. Just because we think something isn't right doesn't mean it's wrong either. We're just unsure of the correct answer. But then, how do we know whether our answers are wrong or correct? We don't. Most of the time, people assume their answers wrong until shown correct or known that it is correct.

Um.. so how does this help?

I don't know. Maybe next time you think your answer is wrong, sit down and think for awhile why you might be thinking that your answer is wrong. Is it because you know the correct answer? If so, then work towards it. If you don't know the correct answer but still think it's wrong. Think again, you're just unsure of the correct answer.

Enough said..

Sunday, January 24, 2010

What a weekend!

Oh gosh.. what have I done?!

Friday, January 22, 2010

What'll you do when you get lonely

Layla, you've got me on my knees.
Layla, I'm begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind.

I tried to give you consolation
When your old man had let you down.
Like a fool, I fell in love with you,
Turned my whole world upside down.

Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain.

ha..!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I just realised

I'm not as different as I thought..

Oh no..

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

200

Being a professional..

We see that today, we have alot of professionals in many areas. We see them all around us. Football professionals, professional gamers, master chess players, competitive grade athletes, world class artists and top grade chefs.

How do these people become good at what they're doing? They practise, and they do it countless times. But ever wondered what happens if these activities that they are good at never existed? They're good at what they're doing now because they found an interest in what they are doing (not talking about being forced) and got thought that they'd like to be good at it. It's because these activities existed in the first place for them to be good at. But what happens if these activities were never around?

What if long ago, there was no such game as football or soccer? What would be of our modern day professional football players? Would they have been the ones who invented football because they realised they were good at kicking balls around the field? Or would they never have thought about it and gone into another profession instead? Does the skill required come first, or does the activity that require the skills come first?

Many claim that people can be born professionals but what happens when someone was born a natural computer programmer a century before the computer was being invented? Will he have been the one to pioneer computer programming without any applications? Or will he have just lost that skill, that talent? It's possible that this guy born with a mindset optimal for computer programming to have came up with it before the computer was invented. He realised he liked something, he just didn't know what. He couldn't relate to it. He showed his friends and the people around him at that time and they called him crazy for thinking that way. He didn't know that there would ever be such a thing called a computer, which is something he's be good at and he shook of the idea and probably moved on to something else since it wasn't beneficial to him.

What about professional gamers? If someone was born with the body of a professional gamer, quick strategic thinking, insane keyboard precision and accuracy and a mind able to plan several stages in advance but never knew that video games existed, would that person be the first one to invent a video game? Would he be the first to design strategic entertainment products? Or will he not even find out that he was born to be a gamer and move on to something else and do something else like music instead?

We live in good times, where there're many things going on around us now and most of us can find something we can be good in. However, there will be the unfortunate few who realise that what they're good in isn't even in existence now. Will they ever find out what they're good in and get the ball rolling so others like them can be good at it too? Or will they just shake it off, saying that they're good at nothing we have to offer, or what they're good at doesn't match us? Would professional Baseball players find out that they're good at hitting balls with a bat? Will they even think about trying to hit balls with a bat with their friends during their free time to see that they're subconsciously good at it? Or will they not try at all and move on to something else?

I'd say we're very fortunate, even if there're some things we wished we could do but can't. There's something for the majority of us, unlike centuries ago where people who were meant to be good at stuff never found out what they were good at because it never existed at that time. Maybe for things like chess and music, the dates go back even further because they've been around for a long time. However, this does not mean to say that there is something for everyone in today's living. To say that we cannot develop further would be arrogant and a hindrance to progress. That why, when we find something we like to do, or love doing, even when people think you're silly or it makes no sense, it's still good to pursue it, for you never know. You might just be developing something that you can be good at, even when nobody follows you, you'll be able to show them that one day, they would've wished they were on your side.

What do you think?

-----------------------------------------------------
200? Why 200?

Hm.. my 200th post. The first 2 days of school were good. It's good to be in school again. No more long boring days of lazing around. I do feel quite tired though, from the lack of sleep most likely. It's time to revert back to the normal sleeping patterns.

Sometimes when I look back at the posts I've written down the blog, I remember and all the images of what I was writing about come back to me. Some of the ambiguous ones don't make sense to me anymore, while others still do. I still choose to leave them there though, as a reminder of what I was going through, and maybe I'll someday remember them and laugh at my own silliness for thinking that way last time. Reading back my older posts has also made me realise the way I've been typing and how it's been changing. I read back and realised that I've used certain vocabulary then that I don't now, and it kinda surprises me that I actually did use those choice of words then compared to if I were to write about the same topic now, of which those worlds would probably have never popped to my head. I realise that the style I type in is different from the way I speak, or write too. I read my own posts and sometimes wonder if I really wrote that, which is a little silly because I know I really did write in that style with those choice of words and strange vocabulary and idioms etc.

It's somewhat weird to read yourself and think that that isn't you. I guess I've probably changed. Or maybe it just comes out when I'm typing. Maybe the content plays a part too, no denying on that one here.

Enough said..

Monday, January 18, 2010

I never expected it to be this way..

I've never expected it to be this way when it first started.

So why is it?

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Right brain guessing

I've read up a little on people who are right brain dominant, and one of their traits is having hunches, or guesses, that are more accurate than usual. Sometimes they're just guesses, purely coincidental, with no prior knowledge about the event. Other times, they're just very quick deductions in the subconscious that are being calculated to produce a smart guess of a predicted outcome which is considered guessing or coincidental not by chance but because the person does not know he did all that calculations.

Another variation of that comes when the person knows the answer but doesn't know how he got it. He just knows it's the answer.

Hunches? Guesses? Pure coincidence? Quick, subconscious calculations? Knowledge from God?? Which one??

I've got some personal experiences, some of them minor, some of slightly more major, but none of them life changing or really huge, but I still notice all of them, or everytime it happens to me. It's not always correct, it's not always wrong. It's in between, although if I were to weigh mine out, it would be leaning towards having more of them correct than wrong.

I've had experiences where my guesses/hunches were purely coincidental and correct. I've had situations where I had a prompting that one of the choices in the decisions was better than the other, and it was correct. I've had situations where I know the solution to a problem, but don't know how I got there, and the answers were correct. I've had times when I had to say something, a guess, about something/someone/an event/etc, and it was correct. I've had experiences when I've thought of something happening for no reason (not to be confused with Deja Vu), and it happened. I've had times when I had to make a two choice decision, answer a two choice question or predict a two scenario situation where I've got no prior knowledge to the questions and problems, and still got them correct.

Coincidence? Chance? Calculations? Prompting???????????

I must say that some are coincidences. I had to choose between this or that and I choose without much thinking (not something I would do often) and it turns out to be the superior option. Those are mainly guesses. Other instances will be guessing the correct answer to questions. What questions? A whole variety. Science questions, maths questions etc.. I once guessed the answer to a math question that requires some working after reading the question and got it correct, but that had abit of hinting as reading the question already gives you a slight idea of what answer you might expect of it.

Ive had instances where I had performed quick calculations in my head to math questions without knowing the meaning of the steps I'm working out and got the correct answer. I still call it very much of a guess because I'm not sure how I got the answer except through unknown workings which I don't know the meaning of. The last time I remember this happening was about a week ago during physics class where I did some quick mental calculations and got the answer but the calculations made no sense at that time. Usually I forget the steps after I've thought of the answer. They just come and go very quickly. I've experienced some when I remembered the steps I did and they were wrong but the answer was correct. I've had other experiences when I remember the steps I did and they were correct too, with the correct answer, but it took me awhile to actually figure out what I was doing or calculating. I mean, I calculate without even knowing what I'm doing.

Once, I remember, during math class, I managed to get the answer. I don't know how I got it. I asked the teacher if what I had in mind was the answer. He said it was and he got a huge shock when I asked him how to do the question because he thought I knew how to do the question by getting the correct answer. In that situation, I have never known what the answer was, I didn't hear a word about anyone saying anything about the answer, I've got no hints at all basically, except from reading the question, which also said nothing about the answer. I just guessed and got it correct after some thinking. I don't even know what I was thinking of, the number just popped into my head.

There are times when I had to do something, and I had to make a decision of what I should do and there were two options and I had to choose one. These I remember having the most of. When I first got them a long time ago when I was younger, I paid no attention to the prompting and went with what I calculated to be the best option, which wasn't always right. It was only until recently, or a few years back did I actually start to follow them when I realised an increasing trend of me choosing the wrong option and ignoring the slight prompting when I get it. I get these alot and even today, I still doubt some of them. Sometimes, like today, I ignore them and realised I should've just went with the prompting because I ignored it and the consequences wasn't desirable.

What does this prompting feel like? It just feels like something in your heart telling you to go with a certain choice. You don't know why your heart is telling you to go with that choice and you doubt it, so you calculate the best option with your head by weighing out the advantages and consequences and sometimes, even though they may logically be the best choice, it's not the right one and you see that you should've just followed what your heart says.

I remember a time when for no reason, a thought just popped into my head and happened later during the day. It's kinda like Deja Vu but not really. Here's one which I experienced last week. On the way to class, I suddenly thought of my friend borrowing stationary from me. Not really a thought, but I just suddenly remembered the last time she asked to borrow a pencil from me, and I lent her. I was thinking and remembering the event, and I actually planned out what I would do this time if she asked me again, like what to say and all, without ever knowing she was going to ask. I just somehow felt that I should prepare what to say and I was kinda hoping it was going to happen again, I don't know why. I mean, it's not a good thing to hope for them to forget their stuff but I was really thinking that she was going to ask me again, and what I would do and true enough, when I reached class, my friend did ask me to borrow stationary again. Strange.

I've had countless instances too when doing multiple choice questions and I don't know what the correct answer is and I feel something telling me that one option is the correct answer but I was thinking of something else as the answer and I looked and tried to see which was the better answer and I concluded that the answer I had thought of was better and when I get back the results, I see that I should've chosen the answer that I felt in my heart because it was the correct one.

But what are these things? Why am I feeling these promptings? Are they just coincidences? I don't know. I understand that those I have calculated but am unable to explan my calculations aren't really much of being prompted but why do they happen? What's with all these guesses showing a very strange trend of being correct? Is it intuition?

Is it God speaking?

Is it the Spirit prompting?

Sometimes I get something at the back of my head telling me I shouldn't do something, even though in my mind, I think that I really should along many things tell me I should, I held back and it really turns out to be better that I did hold back.

I don't know what this really is. All these guesses, all these prompting. Could it be the gift of knowledge? Personally, I doubt. It doesn't match my understanding of what I think it is and I won't question it. It doesn't match any of the other possible theories of why I get these things a lot more than other people. I mean, alot of people get it, sure, but I'm pretty sure it happens to me alot more with a greater load of intensity and coincidences too huge and too frequent to be called coincidences anymore. Why do people who are right brain dominant get it?

I really don't know how all these promptings and all these coincidences work. I really don't know. Many of them are uncalled for. They just cross my mind and I feel this strong sense in my that I should be doing something or following a certain option, or even a prompting in me, like someone pushing me to do something that I don't want to or someone holding me back from doing something I don't want to and I follow it and it turns out to be the best thing to do at that time.

It's kinda hard to explain.

"In God, there are no coincidences."

Monday, January 11, 2010

It was all an illusion!

Benjamin, 22nd most common name for baby boys in 2001.

Today was the first day of school. It was great and interesting and I would talk about it but..

something just happened when I reached home...

Mixed with what has been happening around me..

Hanging by a thread..

*Dies*

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Imagine..

Imagine a double edged sword through the heart and swung in an oscillatory motion sideways cutting the body outwards.

Imagine being nailed to the back under a plane's fuselage with a staple gun and having the back hit and scrape the runway during take-off.

Imagine having to hang from a skyscraper on your fingertips with all the people you care for hanging on to you.

Imagine a the ground beneath you falling and swallowing you up.

It's not that hard to imagine.

/Slipping into depression soon..

God knows why..

And God saves..

Saturday, January 9, 2010

You, sir

Look at what you did.

You've just messed up the puzzle you took so long to finish!

............

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Um wait, What?

It would've been a yes?

O_O

Oh no..

Are you, really?

Am I really different?

Or do I just want to be different?

Either way, there's no turning back.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Thought to think.

"That girl, is a gun to my holster" Poor analogy, doesn't fit human anatomy. HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

"A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood." I laughed so hard when I saw it as Wood and not Woods because of the huge difference in meaning! AAAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't understand what I'm saying, it's time to be acquainted with your slangs!

Messed up timing

Perfecting some Chemistry at half past 4 in the morning..

If you know what I mean!

Hahaaa!!

(Dry laughter)

With nothing to say..

I post here.

Monday, January 4, 2010

My Physics tutor

http://www.asiaone.com/News/Latest%2BNews/Sports/Story/A1Story20091219-186906.html

What?

Quoted from a text I received today:

Let me tell you who bought it for me. is a SUPER WEIRD FRIEND OF MINE! WHO IS FUNNY AT TIMES. AND GIVE WEIRD AND YET SILLY COMMENT AT E SAME TIME! EVEN IF E COMMENT NO HAHAHA OR WHAT, BUT IT IS WEIRD ENOUGH TO MAKE ME SMILE (:

Whoa. I know right!! Those were the exact grammar and punctuation that the person used!
No kidding, I didn't exaggerate.

I wonder who the text's referring to.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

You don't have to go through this

If I had a gun with one bullet. Guess who I'd shoot? <.<

"In God, there are no coincidences."

Saturday, January 2, 2010

2010

And we're 2 years away from 2012.

Not that I believe it. Just thought it'd be awesome to start a post to start the year to start the decade to start my life off right.

Happy full year.

Yes, be happy. Not just during the new year but for the whole year as well.

Last few weeks of 2009 were really bad for me. Had a lousy holiday. It was fun, but I didn't enjoy it.

Had a bad New Year celebration. Was upset pretty much the whole time. Didn't enjoy it one bit.

Had a messed up December.

Had a huge lost in trust in my parents. Both of them. And perhaps in alot of my extended family members too.

Since posting New Year's resolutions are somewhat ubiquitous on blogs, lets see what I have for this year, my resolutions:

-sensitive
-private
-personal
-restricted
-classified
-secret
-top secret

Yeap.

If you realise, those are the ranks of security clearance you'd find starting from the basic to top secret. There's one more above top secret but that doesn't have a name so I guess it doesn't count.

It does not mean I wouldn't share them with anyone. I just haven't thought of them yet, except for some, which you can ask me if you'd like. I'd be more than willing to share.

Oh, and I did see a touch of snow. It was more of an ice drizzle. Wasn't much. Just a few drops from the sky.

That's all for now.

Have a great year ahead!

In my dreams, in my dreams, we will be forever together, flying higher..

Enough said..

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Thanks

Thanks for the card, the note and the gift.

And thanks for the great day too.

:)

Sunday, December 13, 2009

:(

Whoa, I guess I'm really bad with words aren't I? I should probably stop talking altogether.

=(

Aaaahhhhhhh!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Thanks for today!

I really appreciate it.

:)


A moment of thanksgiving to the Lord.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A change of impression.

I saw a mirror.

I saw the things around it.

I saw the reflections of the things around it.

But more importantly,

I saw a person in there different from who I had imagined to be..

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The start of December

It's the start of December and many people are in the Christmas season already.

For me, I've just finished wrapping a gift. I'm really proud of it and although I know almost everybody out there doesn't care how it's wrapped, I'd still like to share because I thought it was pretty clever.

I thought out and planned a drawer style wrapping design. Easy to obtain the gift while still hiding the unknown inside.

Here's a simple model I came up with on the computer.



So yeah, as you can see, the recipient can easily pull out the gift like a drawer. To prevent it from slipping out when being carried or held upside down, heavy testing had to be done on the paper texture, thickness and flexibility so that it can be held in place by friction and folding alone.

The end result was same as the model shown above. The paper was stiff enough to hold the gift in place when held or shook and the texture was rough enough to keep it there.

Ok actually, to be honest, I hardly did any testing. It all just fit together really well.

So who's this gift for? I'm not sure actually, I'm still thinking. I've probably decided but then again.. Oh well.

It wouldn't be a surprise if I say it here would it? Haha!

Every year for the past few years my mom has been asking me what I want for Christmas and I would tell her something I want that I saw earlier in the year. However, when it got to Christmas, it turns out she always got me something different. I know Christmas is more than just receiving gifts and having good food but I was quite unhappy when I opened her present, not because I didn't get what I want but because she got me something different. I wouldn't mind if I didn't get what I want for Christmas but every year my mom would ask me and I would get something different in the end so why should she even ask? Recently, whenever she would ask me what I want for Christmas, I would say I wouldn't want anything, since she probably won't get it for me anyway. I'd just say I don't have anything I want this Christmas. Sometimes it's true and I really didn't want anything for Christmas, sometimes, it isn't but since I guess I won't get it, I'll just say that I don't want anything.

Now, I don't expect anything for Christmas anymore. I don't care if I don't get what I have been hoping to get and I don't care if I don't get anything at all. I just want to be happy. And for me, to be happy during Christmas is to see other people happy, from enjoying their presents or just being together and appreciating the spirit of Christmas. I don't care if I don't get anything, I just want to see the people around me happy, and that would be good enough for me.

And hence the gift. I've prepared the gift for someone who's Christmas I'd like to brighten up so that it'll make me glad, that at least someone is enjoying Christmas, even if it's receiving gifts and not seeing the value of Christmas the way I see it, although I know this person won't!

But why the unusual wrapping? Why did you make a pouch and a drawer as a way to wrap the gift rather than use convectional methods that are much easier to do so? Why did you spend so much time wrapping it so that the person will open it the way you see it even though you know they'll probably just rip apart the wrapper? Why did you even think of putting in an instruction slip so they actually slide the gift out and not tear the paper to obtain it?

Why?

Because it's all in the details.

^^

Enough said..

Friday, December 4, 2009

I died a little on the inside

This is great! I just won my 15th game of Klondike today.

I love Solitaire it's awesome. Simple to play and it makes you think alot too!

I didn't plan to do much today but looks like there was actually stuff that happened!

I woke up and got a call from my dad asking to go to the Japanese Embassy to submit a picture of myself. I reached there 10 minutes before they broke off for lunch and the guard was telling me to hurry up and he was rushing me really badly. I guess it was partly his stomach pushing me as well.

The place was surprisingly small! There was almost nobody there. I walked in and gave my picture. The girl behind the counter didn't even ask for my particulars. She already knew who I was. I guess my dad had told her alot about me. Then again, there was hardly anyone there so if my dad had mentioned me earlier, very few candidates would fit the bill.

I got out in less than five minutes. It was surprisingly fast. I sent a text message to my dad and he was surprised at the speed too.

I walked down the lane to Orchard road. I didn't think it was quite long but when I reached Orchard and looked back, I couldn't even see the embassy or it's surrounding buildings anymore. While waiting to cross the road, I saw Hassan's Carpets. It's the carpet shop owned by Mohsin's uncle. Really, my friends weren't joking at the size of the sign. It's name in neon was huge! I looked for a place to cross at so I could take a look but it was too far away. I wanted to go to it later but I didn't. I had forgotten about it.

I took a walk down Orchard road again and looked at some stalls. It's the 3rd time this week I've been here. Last 2 times were yesterday and the day before, making it 3 consecutive days. i went into Borders again, hoping to find the Principia. I couldn't get it yesterday and was hoping I would miss something today. Yesterday, they told me they had one copy but it wasn't available anymore meaning someone has bought it. I remembered that when I walked in but when I reached the shelf, it didn't even cross my mind and I searched like I did yesterday. I didn't find the Principia though but I did find another book by the same author, Issac Newton. It was called OPTICKS. It was one of his other books. I flipped through the pages and it was alot easier to understand than the Principia, though it's format was much the same. I stood back and looked at the whole shelf. I remember my friend telling me how big Borders bookstore was and I looked around. Yes, it is huge but the book I'm looking for is only found at one shelf, and it isn't even available. I guess it's not much of an interesting read for us Singaporeans.

I went home after that.


















...


I'm actually seeing some parts of my life repeating. And I don't want that to happen. They're parts of my life I do not wish to remember, or happen again.

Really, does it cost this much to be different? I guess my presence has been neglected to being in the subconscious of others.














Oh yes, I helped two of my friends get closer together today. It was over the internet and they were hundreds of miles away. I'm glad they're happy together. If only it was always that simple!


Oh well..




Today and most of the times I'm out by myself, I realise how childish and naive my thoughts can be. The things I do. Even at home sometimes, when I'm on my own especially. I start to think like a child again, the same way I did when I was 6 or 7, like some sort of a big baby. Honestly, you wouldn't even know I would be where I am now.


Such meekness...
























Enough said.

Friday, November 27, 2009

An unexpected turn of events.



What an awesome book! First saw it at MPH yesterday.

Today was the start of the SITEX IT fair that was held at expo. I have been planning to attend this event since last week and I went there with Tuan Qi. I didn't have anything in particular to look out for but some of the things on my mind was a webcam, a mouse, and an external hard drive.

We met up in the morning and took the train ride to expo. It's been awhile since I've last been to expo. On the way there, we talked about the book mentioned above and how we were much more interested in that book than in the IT fair. We decided that if we had enough time, we would go and search for the book. Also, Tuan Qi told me that he just bought the book "50 ideas you really need to know" yesterday. He's is the generic copy and contains stuff from philosophy to science. It was a nice coincidence that we both knew about similar books from the same publisher on the same day and he was telling me about it.

We spent an hour at the show there looking at stuff. Computers, games, consoles, televisions etc. Most of the stuff you'd find at your usual IT fair. We had loads of great deals coming our way too. We only wished we had enough money to take up the offers. There was this small booth at the corner featuring computer accessories at rock bottom prices so I bought myself some stuff. I saw something that looked kinda weird and I asked the assistant what it was. She said it was a mouse carrier that can be unfolded to be a mousepad. I was telling Tuan Qi how "Cool" this thing was and her colleague overheard and continued to add saying how "cool" it was and what other "cool" mouse accessories they had and I let her finish. When she ran out of things to say, I told her that all these stuff she had mentioned would really be "cool" if I did have a muse to begin with. She gave a humph, smiled, and walked off. She looked our age too. So much for having to deal with eccentric customers.

We left the place and decided it was still early. We went to Kinokuniya at Takashimaya after that. We didn't really had the book about 50 ideas in mind. We wanted to find the book written by the guy who started Newtonian Mechanics, Sir Issac Newton himself - Principia. We discussed how the modern day Principia would be like compared to how he first wrote it and whether it would be affordable for us.

Upon reaching, we were greeted by the book that Tuan Qi got yesterday. I wondered if they had the others and not just the generic ones but they weren't one of our priorities so we went to the counter to ask if they had the book Principia. They directed us to the Physics section and we looked at the shelf. It was wonderful. Loads of books on quantum mechanics and theoretical physics. The shelf behind us was about cosmology. Personally, I decided that I'd save the quantum stuff for later since it's really different from the normal classical physics that we know and we need to learn from scratch again if we were to do quantum.

We found the Principia they had but with it was a price tag big enough to keep your pockets empty for weeks! The version they had wasn't what we expected either and it was for the common reader. We didn't want something a common reader would read. We want the Principia, or otherwise known as the Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica. We found another version of the Principia near it. This one was much closer to what we wanted and it was at an affordable price too. However, when we looked between the pages, it was all in traditional English, nothing we would understand. We didn't like books printed in the format it had either. It would be a bore to read. Not because it didn't have pictures. It had plenty of diagrams. However, the fonts and usage of old English didn't appeal to us.

We looked around the same shelf for other books and what we saw really was a bonus. We saw the book "50 physics ideas you really need to know". I grabbed copy right away and I had to purchase it. I really was more interested in this book than the IT fair.

We walked around and looked at nearby shelves for books too and decided to leave after that. I saw the time. It wasn't what I expected, but it wasn't surprising.

We spent an hour at the IT fair and we saw alot of stuff. We went through many booths, looked at many different computer models and even took time to choose the products I wanted.

We spent over an hour at Kinokuniya, looked at books from only 3 shelves, spent 10 minutes laughing to ourselves at a book on "Singlish" and didn't hesitate to grab a copy of the aforementioned book on physics when I saw it.

That book cost twice as much as the total amount of money I spent at the IT fair too. On the way back, it was the only thing in the carrier that I was really interested in.

It was awesome. We still didn't get what we want though. We hadn't found the Principia that we wanted.

And that, was the most important.

Enough said.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Left Brain, Right Brain

Left brain, right brain
to either the other's a pain.
So many left brains
Right brain's a shame

You ought to be shot, for letting your eyes wander.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Topics.

Ugh.. I always have something to blog about but for some reason, I keep forgetting them everytime I come home!

I leave the house and the subject I want to talk about comes to mind. Points I want to address start forming in my head and I ponder for awhile more before deciding to post it here. However, everytime I come home knowing I have something to share, I forget it.

It happens all the time and the same topics keep coming to mind. I'm surprised at how I can keep forgetting them even though I've thought about them countless times.




























what?


























Post about my life?






























Not now.























Maybe on monday. Something interesting's happening on monday.

If I remember it, sure!

Enough said..

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I think I'm going crazy..

It's hard..



































































.























































.


































To even talk to a picture of her..

Monday, November 16, 2009

Can someone

Hit me with a log..






.
.
.










everytime I..



















.








??

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Jokes

Lame jokes.

Why are lame jokes lame?

What makes them lame?

Personally, I'd prefer not to classify jokes into whether they're "lame" or not. I don't like people who constantly say some jokes are "lame", even if they really are. I think it really kills the atmosphere and everytime I hear someone say that, I refrain from sharing with them jokes that I know of.

I think alot of jokes that people consider "lame" are actually quite smart. A witty play on words and meanings to form a simple yet meaningful pun.

You think I'm probably saying this because no one laughs at my jokes. Actually, I don't really care if they do or not. I'd rather they see how I came up with it and appreciate the humour. I don't think laughing is necessary to show that humour is present. I think humour is smart, and what makes people laugh up to them. With that said, yes, you can't make everybody laugh with your joke, even if they do get it.

For me, my jokes focus more on the intellectual side of the theoretical meaning of being humorous. Rather than attempting to make people laugh, I just want them to enjoy themselves. A good joke is a joke that I understand, not something that will induce the laugh.

This is why I enjoy those jokes in that motivational poster form. I think they're pretty smart, even though I seldom see people laugh from looking at them, even if they understood it.

Any joke I understand is a good joke, whether people laugh or not. For me, no joke is "lame", only smart and quirky.

Why do people call "lame" jokes "lame" anyway? Is it because they're not funny enough to induce laugher? Is it because of the awkward silence that follows when no one laughs? That's pretty stupid isn't it? Why doesn't anyone look at the play on words that helps make that joke intelligent? Why must they focus on themselves laughing? What is their problem??!

For you people who has or constantly jokes as "lame", your poor understanding of humour and selfishness to make yourself laugh isn't welcomed. Go crack your own jokes then, or crack the ground so it'll swallow you up and die. You know who you are, and you stink.

Enough said.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Try again?

Once bitten, twice shy. Twice bitten means no more third try..

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

Friday, October 30, 2009

Language Grammar

I've been noticing how different languages have different grammar but yet people still understand their meaning.

Don't get what I mean?

Notice how when you translate an English sentence into Chinese, or from Chinese to English, but keeping all the verbs, adjectives and nouns in the same order as the sentence you are translating, you will get a grammatically wrong sentence in the other language but with the same meaning?

How then do people get all these information when the nouns, verbs, etc are jumbled up?

Still don't get what I mean? Nevermind, not many people do.

Anyways, here's an example.

Here's a sentence in English with proper English grammar (I know what you're thinking. I came up with the sentence myself and saying it has proper grammar only gives me self praise and yes, I do know what you mean and all but this is my blog, my post and my content. You go think of the same sentence but make it more grammatically correct yourself and when you do, I suggest you have a nice cup of milk with some lead tablets before telling me your drinking experience):

Could you help me get that red shirt that belong to Aunt Julie?

Here's the same sentence in English except with Chinese grammar:

You are either able or unable help me get Aunt's Julie's red shirt.

Ok, not much difference there, except maybe the addition of a few words. I had to do it such that it would still sound grammatically correct which hopefully I did succeed in although it's meaning is now slightly different.

Let me try again..

You could help me get Aunt Julie's the red shirt.

Ok not really grammatically correct in English but I tried to make it so in Chinese.

If you don't know what's happening, just read on. You'll realise what I mean when you speak other languages.

So how do people still understand the meaning of the sentence even with the structure mixed up and different from other languages?

I'm no psychologist or Neurotic Surgeon but I've thought about it for awhile and came up with this.

Well, the meaning still stays the same so after hearing the whole sentence, we should all be able to recall what information is in the sentence and derive it's meaning.

Back to the example above,

When someone is saying the sentence in English, here's what comes to mind in order of what we hear.

"Could you help me get that red shirt that belongs to Aunt Julie?"

-I'm being asked to do something.
-I've been asked to get something.
-That object I'm supposed to get is red.
-The object is a red shirt.
-The object, or red shirt, belongs to an "Aunt". (Many possibilities of the meaning Aunt used here. It will have to depend on the scenario used)
-The red shirt I'm supposed to get belongs to Aunt Julie.
-I can reply with a "Yes" or "No". (This part can be the second or third point, depending on how the individual thinks)

In Chinese,

-I've been asked for help.
-I've been asked to get something.
-I've been asked to get something from Aunt Julie.
-The object I'm supposed to get from Aunt Julie is red.
-The object is a red shirt.
-I'm supposed to get, from Aunt Julie, a red shirt.
-I can reply with a "Yes" or "No".

I mean, overall, the meaning of the sentence is the same. The order in which we process the information in the sentence, however is different. And that's why we can still obtain the same meaning from difference in languages even though they have different grammatical sentence structures, that is, if we actually listen to the whole sentence before concluding our interpretation of the meaning.

Another example is this:

English: Night Market.
Malay: Pasar Malam.

They both mean the same thing, except in English, we process the information as something at night first then the event rather than the event and the time it takes place at.

Of course, many people listen to the whole sentence before processing the information because our brain dedicates a small amount of memory, about a few seconds, to listening to sentences and unless it's a really long sentences, very few would actually care about the order they get the information in, as long as they get the same meaning as what the person telling them wants to say.

And what does this have to do with us normal people who live normal lives who go around chatting all day without noticing these kinda things?

Nothing.

Enough said..

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Six minutes

One minute and the earth begins to shake
Two minutes and my heart begins to quake
Another minute and she makes me feel brand new
That's just three minutes with you
Four minutes and she's got me on my knees
Five minutes and she's got me beggin please
Another minute and she shows me somethin new
I need six minutes with you...

Creepy..

Friday, October 23, 2009

Would you..

Would you obtain your deepest desires but lose God in your life?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Holy Spirit asked me...

"Young Christian, why are you sad?"

I replied

"I don't know."

But he does..

Sunday, October 18, 2009

!!!

Stop twisting my words..

Thursday, October 15, 2009

..?

Ugh.. life.

Ok so last week, or a few weeks back, I had this topic on my mind and was trying to think of things to say.

It's about vulgar words.

Why are vulgar words vulgar?
Why do they hurt so bad when used against you?
How does a word become vulgar?
Who decides if these words are vulgar or not?

I've thought about these questions since young and it was only until a few weeks ago did it come back to me and a recent blog entry I read on a similar topic by a friend nudged me to be writing what I you will see below.

So why are vulgar words vulgar? I don't know. Really. Is it the way they sound? Their meanings? What makes a vulgar word different from another word with the same meaning?

I don't know. If two words have the same meaning, why is one of them considered vulgar but the other one not? Maybe the meaning of the word used is sensitive. Then why use them to curse and swear at?

If a word used has a meaning unique to you, maybe because it triggers something, an emotion of hate, it becomes offensive. Does it mean that it becomes a vulgar word? What makes words vulgar because of their meaning? Many people interpret the meanings differently because of the different instances in our lives that the meaning of the word can apply to. So why are there still profanities that are considered bad by everyone in general?

I've seen many people substitute other words for some common profanities used because they have been told by some that dirty words give you a bad impression. I womder, does it really matter? If constant substitution of a profane word makes you think that you're not really using vulgarities, you may be right, because there are vulgarities considered profane by everyone. However, I doubt it will make you swear lesser, or practice more self control.

If someone tells you not to use profane words, they're very likely to be telling you that using profanities is bad and you should stop because it corrupts your mind and it becomes a habit etc.. If substiting a cleaner word for a swear word does that, why wouldn't people just eliminate the whole swear word thing altogether? You will still swear as much and probably much more than before with the meaning behind each word you use still the same because you're thinking that you aren't swearing but you really are.

They say that smart people don't swear, because they are able to find substitutes for how they would express themselves. And I think that is true. But what if the vulgarities were there as substitues for a longer sentence or string of words instead? Smart people avoid vulgarities because they know how to go around them and no use them. But what about people who use them? Does that mean they're stupid? Does it mean that vulgarities are there to distinguish smart from stupid people?

I doubt.

Enough said..

Monday, October 12, 2009

=(

=(

Monday, October 5, 2009

If my conscience could talk like a friend..

Can't you wake up from all this already?

You're just making yourself sad each day!

Everyday after the exam, you pull that long face and sulk as though you've studied really hard for it but did badly when you didn't even do anything.

Don't you see how fortunate you are? Your mind? It processes like none other! You're blessed and be glad because many people wish they could be in your shoes now.

All those negative thoughts you're hearing in you. They aren't real. They're just part of your vast imagination!

Every night, you go to sleep with these bad things swirling in your head, like a poisonous concoction of negativity and what do you do? You text your friends. You IM them telling how bad you are, requiring their sympathy and encouragement when you generated these thoughts yourself. What's worse, you know it isn't unintentional. You know they aren't true but you choose to live with fake humility and modesty, making people think that you really are such a loser when you can easily.. and I mean easily.. snap out of these thoughts and look at the bright side. You're cheating people's time, making them feel demoralized and making yourself feel demoralized so they can encourage you and you feel better.

Alot of times, all you do is compare how bad your life is with other people. You talk to them and you tell them the bad side of your life, and you blow it up to make it sound alot worse than it really is. You may be telling the truth but is that what people want to hear? Instead of encouraging others yourself, you make yourself look worse so they feel better about themselves and they say stuff to encourage you.

You're worse than a PU...

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Eh..

"He's scared of you?"
"He's scared of everyone la.."

*Moves closer*

*Takes a step back*

"Oh, right.."

Ahahhaaa yesterday.. aahahahahaaaa...

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Today..



Was messed up

I would rant but it would get personal so I shan't.

And no, for those of you who were with me today, it isn't what you think it is. Or what I think you think it is..

It's just really..

really..

horrible..

Well you can ask me if you'd really like to know.

Oh well..

There's nothing else I can say.

1 John 5:14

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Pi

I managed to memorize the first 116 digits of Pi within a week.

Took me awhile

But it's cool.

And the reason for doing so? Well, none actually.
If you've been a consistent reader of this blog, you would've noticed that many of the things I do, I do it for no reason, a style of going a long way for minor and trival goals, hardly anything to brag about.

Of course, it's not always the goal that matters. There's a difference between getting muscles through intensive workout sessions and getting it from steroids. The journey counts as well and memorizing pi has some really cool immediate effects like slightly better memory. It's one of the many things you can do that builds your brain power.

Other things that have happened to me recently:
Eh
Not much
Nothing
Hm..
???
Wut?
I don't know
Wait
Maybe
There is

Can't remember.



Oh yes, I'm having exams this week and the next. What am I doing here?

I've been going through each day on very little sleep, around 4-6 hours maximum. I've been studying in school like crazy and whether it has really helped or not I don't know but I still push through. Sadly, most of my efforts are being wasted as I don't seem to be retaining anything that I study. Oh well, bad study is better than none at all. I really need to get out and study with some people. At home or alone, studying would be the last thing on my mind, really. I would rather do nothing than study and it has happened to me all the time.

I stayed back in school one night to study with no one to talk to and for 3, almost 4 hours, I sat there with some papers in front of me. I slept for 20 minutes because I was drowsy and I daydreamed about other stuff for the rest of the time. After the session, the questions I actually did can be counted with your hands. What a waste, just because I was alone. And it sucks.

Too many distractions at home, too many things to think about alone.

And all this while on functioning on the little sleep I get every night. My sleep habits are getting really out of hand and even my friend whom I'm only acquainted to has to text me at night to get me to sleep.

I don't remember studying this hard last year. It's probably the most effort I've ever put into one exam.

Alot of people ask me how I can still survive on little sleep without falling ill or falling asleep in class or lectures and I've got nothing to answer them with. It's really been God. He's been good to me, providing the strength I need to carry on each day and though I may fall asleep at times in school after lessons, I'm very thankful that he wakes me up and makes me continue. Each step I take hurts but it gets me going. It's been working too. I've seen myself praying better and experiencing him more. It's his love that never fails and his strength drives me on.

Enough Said..

Saturday, September 19, 2009

<3

Monday, September 7, 2009

Einstein

Did he really fail mathematics?

We've all heard of Einstein and most of us know how he failed his mathematics test at such a young age but yet was still able to become one of the greatest scientists in the 1900s in the general area of physics.

Many teachers use his life story as an encouragement to their younger students, saying that they should not give up on mathematics just because they have failed a few tests in primary school because Einstein did likewise but was still able to become a great contributor to society.

Personally, I would have to disagree that their encouragement would be of much help if they had related their student's experiences to what happened to Einstein decades ago.

Many believe that Einstein was a mathematical genius, only after he became famous in the world of science. However, after much thinking and looking into his biography, I personally believe that he was one of those who discovered and self learned the world around him, and couldn't have possible failed mathematics at a young age for him to become a great person.

How then, could he have failed mathematics? Many biographies mention Einstein being a quiet person when he was young, often deep in thought. He rarely spoke and his parents thought he was speech deficient. He was interested in nature and how things work. He kept to himself and was shy. This is what could've lead to his early failure in his mathematics test. Not because he didn't know how to do the paper but probably because he spent his time thinking of other things that interested him. He could have defiantly left the paper blank to ponder about his interests or wrote his answers without any workings because of his adept mathematical skills. Whatever the case, we will never know.

At aged 12, Einstein studied the fundamentals of differentiation. By that, I do not mean differentiation techniques and applications. I mean how differentiation came about and why it is necessary. He knew the derivations of calculus and how it was used. How else, would a child who failed mathematics because he didn't know how to do the questions have accomplished such a feat?

Of course, I do not rule out the possibility of him, or any child for this matter, having a great and sudden boost in mathematics just by intense practice sessions. I'm saying that teachers who want to use an example to encourage their students should not use the example of Einsteins' but instead, of some child who worked hard and got what he achieved and became someone great.

And before I end, here's something cool for you to enjoy. No, it's not by me although I do wish to be able to play like that.



Enough said..

Sunday, August 30, 2009

A trip up north

Today, I went on a trip to Malaysia to gather some data for our project work.

We met in the morning and got Tasya's parents to drive us up.

We talked.

We slept.

Jessica leaned on me.

I felt like the Titan Atlas from greek mythology, the person who held the sky up, except I was bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders.

We managed to find the place we wanted but to our dismay, all they had were bee specimens and products. We wanted to ask them some questions for our data collection but they weren't the people we were expecting to find. All they did was to promote their bee products.

We found a bee farm not far off and saw a guy behind the counter. The area looked the same but it was alot smaller. We threw some questions at him and he gave us some answers. Though little, we though it was helpful enough. He told us there was more ahead if we followed the dirt road and we did.

We came to this huge plot of land with boxes of bees everywhere and fortunately enough for us, there was an expert in the area. Relieved to find someone we could finally talk to, we started shot our arsenal of questions at him and he gladly responded to each one of them. We also found out that the answers we got from the guy behind the counter from before weren't accurate.

After some talking, he proceeded to show us the bees. He opened up the lid of the boxes and took out a jar with wax inside. It was beautiful. The bees were still inside the jar though they were barely moving. He went on to show us the shelved hives. There were 2 layers. The top one was to collect honey while the lower one was to breed the bees. When he took off the top layer, the buzzing got really loud and he calmed the bees with cigarette smoke. That's right, killing 2 birds with one stone and no bees with smoke, he inhaled and blew the smoke into the hive.

He took out a rack and shook off the bees. He whipped out his pocket knife and cut away some of the wax and passed a small piece to each of us, letting us try the honey. It was marvelous. After placing back the rack, he examined each rack to try to find the queen but to no avail. He brought us to another hive and did the same. He found it in less time than you can say Benjamin is ultimate.

The queen isn't much bigger than the rest. She looked like she was in a condition worse than having SARS, H1N1, ebola and herpes combined, just staying there moving slowly. The person told us that she was old and they're already breeding the new queens. He took up another rack with the larvae and showed us a part protruding from the honeycomb. He told us that the new queen was inside there. He cut it up and inside was a small shrimp like larvae surrounded in royal jelly. He cut it up even more and let us taste the jelly. It had a mild sour taste like plain yogurt. He threw the rest of the jelly along with the larvae into the nearby bushes. We took out more honeycombs and cut up more larvae queens to show us the jelly. We all protested but he still cut them up telling us that he didn't need that many queens or else they would be fighting.

We took some pictures and left the area for lunch after that.

We prepared ourselves for the journey home and talked, slept, woke up, slept and didn't get leaned on again, which was good, until shaz and jess pushed me to the side when the car was turning. pfffft

Enough said.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Nice and Liking it.

What do we mean when we say something is nice?

What do we mean when we say we like something?

Same?

Different?

Personally, I don't see saying something is nice and saying we like something is the same. By that, I do not mean that something is nice therefore we like it and we like it because something is nice. I mean that saying something is nice and liking it is different. Don't understand? Here's my 2 cents worth.

When saying something is nice, it is being the way it should be almost perfectly. The closer it is to being what it should, the nicer.

Liking, however, depends on the taste of each individual. We like it because it appeals to us and according to the "nice" statement above, this means that something does not have to be nice for us to like it because it says nothing about something appealing to us therefore we like it.

Still confused? Read on.

Here's an example:

I love coffee, even though it is unhealthy.

According to standards, a nice cup of coffee would be somewhat bitter with a nice texture. The closer it is to this guage, the nicer the coffee is.

However, some people do not like bitter coffee. They prefer it sweet. That way, even though the coffee is nice, they may not like it. And that's how they can like something that isn't nice.

Some people prefer sweet coffee. Sweet coffee deviates from the bitter taste alot, making it not as nice. Some people like it this way, making them like something that isn't nice.

Then you ask, how will one know if something is nice or not? We would've needed a gauge for everything. And who decides whether something should be nice or not? The scale would be very subjective and many objects have their own way of being nice and liked.

Friday, August 14, 2009

RIP LES PAUL

† R.I.P †

We will never forget you!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Class(ified)

Hehe.. we all decided to have the same centerpart hairstyle. Some of us are just natural. Look at them, they're adorbs. Waiting for the formal shot.







A picture speaks a thousand words. Well, that depends really.

Enough said..

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

An ability that never fails

How cool it would be, to have an ability that will never fail, no matter how focused you are on it, independent of situation and not affected by anything?

Recently, I've been thinking that it would be nice for me to have a skill that only a handful in the people has and everyone's facinated by it. No one knows how it works, not even you. Think it's purely fiction? Think again. Mathematical savants has this weird ability to tell you which day of the week of any given date. Give them a day, a month and a year, and they'll tell you which day of the week it is, instantly. Researchers do not know how they are able to do it. Even the savants themselves aren't aware of it (I'll come back to this later).

For a normal human to be asked the same question, or even a mathematical genius or supercomputer, thousands of calculations need to be done. Many mathematically gifted average people have admitted to calculation to determine the day of a date. Although almost as fast as the savants themselves and alot faster than the average joe, his ability is still unmatched to the savants'. Under pressure or stress or if distracted, the normal person will have their calculations disrupted. This means a failure or a slight defect in their ability because they have a chance of miscalculating and providing a wrong answer.

Savants, on the other hand, don't need to perform calculations. They have it on the tip of their fingers. If someone were to casually ask for the day of a given date, the savant, unlike the rest, wouldn't have to stop and think before providing an answer. It would be as natural to them as a greeting. It does not fail under pressure as well, which makes it really cool.

But what's the use of a super ability to know the day of any date? Seems pretty useless isn't it? Again, just like most of the other savant abilities that vary from savant to savant, this one has little applications.

As I've mentioned earlier, nobody knows how savants are able to do that. The hypothesis that not even savants themselves know how to do it is only a suspicion from tests and even questioning the savants about their special ability. However, savants are special people and they have many problems and difficulties doing and understanding the simple, everyday tasks we perform every day. Questioning this special ability of theirs may be hard for them to understand and steer them to giving a simple but inconclusive result but perplexes us the most: Don't know.

Perhaps this has been happenning all these while. Maybe are just special people with an outstanding mathematical ability to calculate many times faster than a math genius. Or maybe, just maybe, there's something bigger to what we are looking for..

Enough Said..

Thanks!