Are we dead yet?

So it's midway through 2017 already and I've not made a post yet

A little bit about myself right now - it hasn't been great honestly. The good part is, I've just gotten back the results of my Masters programme and I did pretty well. Slightly better than what I expected. However, I feel so dead inside. I would say that I'm pretty miserable as well, except I'm hardly feeling anything. It's just a great void. I honestly (like cross-my-heart levels of honesty) can't remember the last time I've been genuinely happy, or even happy about something. Everything seems so empty.

Almost everyday, I think about dying, or death in some way, and yet, I am scared of it. Death terrifies me greatly but at this point in my life (and I think I might have mentioned this to people before), if someone were to come up and offer to kill me, I probably wouldn't resist. I'm not actively trying to kill myself or anything and I wouldn't say that I'm suicidal (maybe I am, but my point is that I'm not actively seeking to cause my own death) but I'm at a point where I wouldn't resist if someone threatened to use deadly force against me, nor would I probably find the will to live if it was the only thing that determined my survival.

I apologize for this scary post, and I hope that whoever's reading this will be able to find some peace and comfort within their lives, because it really sucks feeling this way.

Enough said.